he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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