You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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