It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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