I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
