I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
