dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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