I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
