You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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