please come you make the beer taste better
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize