First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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