I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
