Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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