i just google imaged poop.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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