Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
