Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
