It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
