just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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