So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
