I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
