Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
a search helicopter?!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
