Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize