I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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