Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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