just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
