I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we're so committed to being not committed
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