is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
