It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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