Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
