he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
