I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
