How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize