is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
