just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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