dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
