I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize