Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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