So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
