I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
