We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
