i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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