Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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