you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize