I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
