best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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