Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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