I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's never too late to be topless.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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