She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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