Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
there is glitter all over my balls
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