He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
