I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
