Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
