We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just want to make out with him forever
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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