Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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