Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
