I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
