Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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