oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
