The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
