Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize