bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
