I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
