I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
