just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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