worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
