He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize