He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
