Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
