I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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