All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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