do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ketchup is God's man juice
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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