when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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