I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
