like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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