My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
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