Got a toothbrush?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
