508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
