In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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