i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
