I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
