I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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