I'm sorry my penis didn't work
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
