In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
