Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
