1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
