If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
