i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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