when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
