Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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