I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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