I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
