I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
