K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
