Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
