Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
